I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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