I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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