It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
