I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
