So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
