I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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