We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize