Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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