Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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