you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
