I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
