i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
