There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
