every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
