plz talk dirty to me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
