There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
