Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
