put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
