i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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