i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She needs sedatives and a leash
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
