she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
