I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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