He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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