Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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