I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
