ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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