Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
