He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
