That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
