she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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