We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
