It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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