you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
