Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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