i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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