I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
