These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
