you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
