guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
