My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
