Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
