Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
