six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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