I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
