umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
