i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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