My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
