OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
