Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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