When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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