dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
